hello =)

Apparently...blogging is thereputic? Did I even spell that right? Whoa...thats a good start..lol...Hm well, I may as well give it a go. Nothing to lose :)


Today I binged. I started the day convinced I would restrict completely. Eat nothing. At all. But I had a CBT appointment, so I thought it best to eat first. I had a yoghurt...


After my session, I found myself on the bus to the supermarket. Where i started off buying pineapple, with every good intention. Of course, it didnt end well. I ended up with sooo much food. I got home and ate it all.


Then I went out for dinner with some friends. I actually had a lovely time :) But maybe I didnt need a carvery [minus the meat of course] and a turkish delight cheesecake :\ I want the evil food out of me. I hate the feeling. I feel like I have put on a stone today alone. Not good. It makes me feel so weak and useless, and scared. I mean, I have 9stone to lose!! Im not guna lose it but stuffing my mouth with chocolate, cakes, peanuts, carvery and cheesecake, am I?...


But I just can't stop myself. The need to binge just WON'T go away til i give in. I hate it. I sit here wishing I had anorexia. I know thats awful. But at least I would have control. At least I would be thin.