Long time no blog :( sorryy...
Well, dad got out of hospital eventually, but he went straight back to drinking. His health continues to get worse :'( for my christmas present he sent me, my sister and nephew to lapland - how amazing!
I also went to mexico for 2 weeks in october <3<3<3
Ok well, thats a general update - now onto my recent hospital stay :( Im not coping well with it to be honest...
So for a month or so I had been getting awful headaches, and a constant pounding noise in my right ear. I was very forgetful-and got confused [easier than usual lol] and i was sleeping 15 hours a day. I visited my GP when I began losing my vision. He told me to go to the eye hospital, which I put of a week, cuz I went to LAPLANDDD <3
Anyway, I got back and my symptoms continued to worsen. So i eventually got myself to the eye hospital. Very reluctantly. I've never much liked hospitals :( So they put these horrible eyedrops in my eyes which made my vision blur [apparently that was meant to happen :/] and looked at the back of my eyes. The doctor called for a specialist, who also had a look, and 2 medical students had a look too. The consultant gave me a letter to take to A&E with me-and told me to go straight away.
So in A&E u had blood tests, wee tests, ECG's, eye tests, u name it, finally, about
2 hours after I arrived, they sent me for a CT scan to scan my brain. They said there was a huge pressure in my head pressing on my eye. I started panicing at that point. They started talking about brain tumours. Thankfully my CT scan showed no masses. The doctor told me I had Benign Intercranial Hyoertension, and to stay in overnight, but I refused. I absolutely hate hospitals. Finally he let me go, on the promise I would return at 12 the following day for a lumbar puncture.
Urgh.
I think I was in shock, because I slept rather well that night. Even after researching the condition and finding out it effects mostly overweight females-which of course I took as 'ITS YOUR OWN FAULT U FAT TWAT'. I got to the hospital and was told to put on a gown, I was taken to have another eye test to test my visual field or something?...hmm i dunoo lol
So I was taken to a little side room and told to wait. Then it hit me, the damage I had caused to my health. and the tears started. A lovely nurse gave me a cuddle and talked to me about how it wasnt my fault, and that I shouldnt hate myself. She really was lovely...So 2 doctors came in, and put my on my side - I was cryin so hard, more concious of them seeing my body than through fear.
Then the pain. I have never ever screamed out loud due to pain before. I have a very high pain tolorance. But MY GOD i cannot even begin to explain the feeling and agony of having a huge needle stabbed into your spinal cord and wiggled around. There are no words. He tried 5 times to get the puncture in the right place, I was literally sobbing begging him to stop. It was pure agony. The doctor told me he wasnt successful and told me to lay on my back for a few hours and he would come back to talk to me once i'd rested.
When he left I literally sobbed my heart out. I was shaking like mad...traumatised by the procedure :'( eventually the doc came back, told me i was staying in overnight, and he was guna try again tomorrow.
Depression hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried all night, I was transfered to a ward, where all of a sudden, I was locked in a sideroom, being told until I was tested for meningitis, I was in isolation. I cried and cried and cried.
I woke up, and cried, I couldnt eat breakfast cuz the ana in my ednos had taken over - it was my fat fault i was ill. I never wanted to eat again.
I was wheeled [told I wasnt allowed to walk] to have an MRI scan. which was horrible to be honest, then taken back to my isolation.
The doc came in at about 3 o'clock, told me they were guna slightly sedate me, and do the procedure again. Well. I'll cut a long story short, when they hit my spinal fluid, [yep-it hurt like a mofo again] they measured the pressure- it should be less than 20. Mine was 60. Which I was told could have been fatal :/
Mmm so the next 2 days i stayed in, unable to walk far, with the worsed headaches I have EVER had due to a reduction in pressure, and yeh - I was put on meds for long term and sent away. I have to see neurology in out patient. But mmm yehh thats the story :( I need to lose weight. I NEED TO. iv given myself a perminant brain disorder....
:( but i duno how without ed behaviours...
