I'm in an awful dark place. Not just the usual dark place, I mean this is literally unbearable. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, i dont see the beauty in the world anymore, I no longer feel it. I no longer care for its existence. My curtains are drawn shut, I can't bare to see the daylight, the sunshine is annoying, it just reminds me of how low I have gotten. The thought of opening my eyes is torture, reality is a nightmare. Everything hurts and it's not getting better. I have no friends, no family, no one cares about me, not really. I just want someone to care. That's all. Care enough to drag me out of bed and make me see sense. When I wake up, I cry, I have to start the whole process of getting through 24hrs again. Then when I finally manage that, I wake up and it starts again, and again, and again. I feel nauseous constantly. Whether I eat, or not. It is making my meal plan very hard to follow but Im still trying. Not having food as a behaviour after 27yrs of it being the only thing that has saved my life is agonising. I am so angry at myself for being this way. I am sat in bed now crying my eyes out cuz its only 11am, I still have at least 12hrs to get through til I can fall asleep again. Usually I would find that thought a comfort, but not any more. Because I know tomorrow will be the same.