Dads in ICU. They think he might die. I think I might die too.

Sorry

Sorry for being such a bitch. I'm sorry for being a BPD flipping psychopath. I hurt people. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so unloveable even my own parents hate me. It's ok, I get it, I hate me too. I am so sad, so sad it physically hurts my heart. There is no happiness at all. Lately things have been going down down down and SMACK I hit the bottom with a thud. I'm so over being fucked up. I'm over being sad and crazy and having my thoughts and behaviours ruin every thing in my fucking life. What the hell kind of messed up person does the things I have done. Not everyone is meant to survive abuse and neglect and rape and growing up it broken, violent alcholic homes, losing a pregnancy, domestic violence, repeated sexual assault, losing friends, putting on 12st in 3 years. Bulimia, depression, borderline, suicide attempts, self harm, prescription drugs...Not every one is their own hero, not every one is fixable. Some people are statistics. I think I'm starting to be okay with that. If it means the pain ends maybe that's okay.