My emotional mind has convinced my wise mind that I am only allowed one cracker an hour. Wise mind knows this is not wise, but also knows it has no option. The 2lb I lost last week has gone back on plus more. It's never ending and it's exhausting. And I'm tired of it. Sometimes I have these moments of extreme clarity, and I see the treatment and skills are working, but it's hard to see that clarity every second of every day. You can't just have a day off, fight it today but not tomorrow, cuz before u know it a day turns into a week, which turns into a month, then ur back at square one. It's difficult being constantly aware of what's happening internally, you can never let your guard down for a single second. You can't master breakfast but slip up at lunch. :( Headache A constant battle in my head. I convinced myself, Kt, u NEED to stick to MP, ignore the scales, carry on as usual, it will be ok. But a glimpse of myself in the mirror is all it takes to destroy those good intended thoughts. How can I justify eating when I look like this? I can't. *headdesk* I've been on self sabotage this week, I think cuz I've been told I'm doing parts of treatment well. The part of me that despises myself will not allow me to succeed at anything, any praise only feels positive for a while before it turns into guilt. One step forward two back this week.